


I Dreamed I Held You In My Arms

by darkangel86



Series: My Sunshine [7]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Declarations Of Love, Domestic Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Feels, Friendship, Idiots in Love, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Insecure Simon Lewis, M/M, Overdue Apologies, Pansexual Simon Lewis, Protective Alec Lightwood, Protective Jace Wayland, Protective Magnus Bane
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-16
Updated: 2017-05-16
Packaged: 2018-11-01 07:46:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,718
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10917432
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/darkangel86/pseuds/darkangel86
Summary: “I don't trust her, Alexander. I do not trust that child as far as I can throw her and believe me, I've thought about testing my own strength at times specifically on her.” Magnus glared across the room where Clary stood, shifting uncomfortably from one foot to the other as she waited for Simon to make an appearance.“I know,” Alec said with a sigh. “Believe me, I know but you know what Simon said about hurting her. He'd rather you didn't. Even though I completely agree with you testing your strength out on her.” He finished in a low whisper as he eyed Clary uneasily.





	I Dreamed I Held You In My Arms

**Author's Note:**

> Technically I feel like I could end this series right here but I don't wanna so... there will be more! :)

“I don't trust her, Alexander. I do not trust that child as far as I can throw her and believe me, I've thought about testing my own strength at times specifically on her.” Magnus glared across the room where Clary stood, shifting uncomfortably from one foot to the other as she waited for Simon to make an appearance.

“I know,” Alec said with a sigh. “Believe me, I know but you know what Simon said about hurting her. He'd rather you didn't. Even though I completely agree with you testing your strength out on her.” He finished in a low whisper as he eyed Clary uneasily.

“I know Simon said he wanted to do this but what if he's not ready?” Magnus asked, turning to face Alec, his fear written clearly on his face. Reaching out, Alec placed an arm around his lovers' shoulders and pulled him close.

“I'm worried too. There, I said it but I trust Simon's judgment. If he says he's ready then we have to trust him to know what he can and can't handle. Magnus, we can't hide him in your loft for the rest of his life. He's immortal. He'll get bored fast.” Alec teased, easing some of the tension in Magnus' shoulders.

“I just want to keep him safe, Alexander,” Magnus admitted sadly. “I want to keep him safe, I want to keep you safe and Raziel help me, I even want to keep that ridiculous Parabatai of yours safe. I worry about you all so much.”

“And that's just one of the reasons why I love you, Magnus Bane,” Alec said, startling the other man with his easy confession of love.

“Alec...” Magnus, for once, was completely speechless.

“Its okay. If you don't, or can't, say it back. I just.” Alec sighed, dropping his arm from Magnus' shoulders. “I just needed you to know it. I've never felt like this before. What I thought I felt for Jace before I met you, even if it was love, it wasn't anywhere near this extent. You take my breath away, Magnus, every day that we're together. I never thought I could ever have this and then I met you, and as much as I fought against it, you gave me something I'd never had before.” Alec admitted.

“What?” Magnus asked, needing to know.

“Hope.” Alec said and Magnus broke. Surging up on his toes, he pressed his lips against Alec's, kissing the younger man as if his life depended on it.

“You silly Nephilim. Of course I love you. Of course I do!” Magnus said happily, eyes wet with tears. In his arms, Alec sagged forward in relief. Resting his forehead against Magnus', Alec couldn't help but smile.

“Once we know Simon's okay and safe with Jace again how about you ward your bedroom and we ignore the world for a day or two?” Alec asked with a devilish smirk and Magnus groaned.

“You have the best ideas, Alexander.” Magnus said, a smirk to rival Alec's on his lips.

&&

“You're absolutely sure you want to do this?” Jace asked, once more. 

“Jace, I promise you, I'm okay. Okay? And I'm going to be okay. I have to do this. I can't just let this keep going on with Clary. We've got to talk this out.” Simon said sounding so hopeful that Jace's heart broke a little.

“And if Clary won't talk it out? If she acts like she has so far?” 

“Then that's it. I'm not trying any more after this. But I have to at least try. We've been friends our entire life. If she decides that's not enough to at least listen to me and hear me out, then that's on her. I won't be brought down by this anymore.” Simon said adamantly as he finished dressing. Pressing a kiss to Jace's lips, Simon hugged his boyfriend.

“You know you've just got to call and we'll all come running back, right?” Jace asked, holding Simon for just a few seconds more.

“I know and I love you all for it but I can do this. I've been doing better. And its still just Clary. I can handle her.” Simon said and Jace wasn't sure which of them he was trying to convince more.

“Okay. Okay. We're out of here then. But I mean it, Simon, you call us if you need us. You don't try and handle it yourself. If Clary won't hear reason then you tell her to leave. Or better yet, I will.” Jace turned on his heel and stalked out of their bedroom, in the direction he knew Clary was waiting.

“Jace! Wait, no!” Simon said as he rushed after his hot headed Shadowhunter.

“-tell you one time. If Simon asks you to leave, then you leave. You don't hesitate, you don't stall, you don't try and guilt him into letting you stay. One word from him about wanting or needing you gone and you leave.” Jace informed a speechless Clary.

“Actually, that won't be a problem,” Magnus said as he stepped up behind Clary, causing her to startle before she turned to face him. “If Simon asks you to leave and you don't within fifteen seconds, the wards are set to remove you.” Jace couldn't help but look smug at the pure shock that covered Clary's face at Magnus' words.

“There won't be another incident like last time,” Alec said, speaking up as he came to stand behind Magnus. “He says leave, you better leave. Magnus' wards sometimes have a mind of their own and who knows, if you don't leave you may end up somewhere nasty.” If it sounded like a threat then so be it. Alec was perfectly fine with that.

“Guys.” Simon groaned. “Come on. I'm a perfectly grown adult! I can take care of myself.” He whined.

“Says the little boy in the room whining like a child,” Jace teased as he turned to Simon, smirking at the unamused look on his boyfriends face. Leaning into him, he pressed a kiss to Simon's lips before turning to leave with Magnus and Alec, not even sparing Clary another look as they all left.

“I, um, you and Jace?” Clary asked, pulling Simon's attention away from Jace as he walked away. Simon felt his cheeks flush, even though technically he couldn't blush anymore, it apparently didn't stop his body from emulating it.

“Yeah. I, I wanted to tell you as soon as it happened but things were, um, not great with us.” Simon admitted shyly. “And before you ask, no, it had absolutely nothing to do with you.”

Clary ducked her head and Simon knew he'd got it in one.

“Clary, I'm with Jace because I love him, not because I don't love you.” Simon said, hoping he was making sense. “I'm. Fuck. No, uh, can we sit? Its making me anxious just standing here.” He admitted and took a deep breath before walking into Magnus' living room and sitting on the brown leather couch.

“Can I-” Clary asked, motioning to the spot beside of Simon and Simon smiled.

“Of course.” He said, watching as she carefully sat beside him. Not close enough to touch but beside of him nonetheless.

“So. I uh. I think I need to start by saying that I'm sorry. For um, a lot actually but mostly for my behavior lately. Simon, you're my best friend and I am so sorry for how I've acted these last few weeks. I think I was more upset with myself than you but taking it out on you was just easier.” Clary admitted, shamefully.

“I'm sorry too,” Simon said. “I should have talked to you sooner. I just. Clary, you're all I ever wanted growing up. When I looked at you, I just knew we were meant to be, that you were my perfect match. I spent so many years loving you that its all I knew. I never even looked at another person for years and then suddenly, I had you. This impossible thing that I'd built up in my head that I'd always told myself I wanted. And I think maybe, at first, I did but eventually those feelings started to change and I just hadn't noticed. I'd spent so long wanting you that once I had you, I completely ignored the voice in the back of my head that was telling me it wasn't right. I do love you, Clary. You're my best friend but what I feel is more like a brother, sister kind of love and I'm sorry that I hurt you because of that.”

“I'll admit, I was angry but I refused to listen to reason. I don't love you like that either, Simon. Of course I love you but its definitely a best friend, little brother sort of love. I was just so shocked. You'd admitted you loved me and then two weeks later you were breaking up with me. I wasn't expecting it.” Clary said truthfully.

“To be honest, I wasn't either.” Simon admitted. “I'm pan, Clary. That's what I tried to tell you before. I sort of always knew, I think. Not that I knew there was even a term for what I felt til just a couple years ago. But uh, so yeah.”

“Can I ask, what exactly does that mean?” Clary asked and Simon was pleased to note she seemed genuinely curious and not at all like she'd been the first time he'd attempted to tell her when she had gotten so angry, so fast.

“It just means that when I see someone I'm attracted to, I don't see a gender. I like a person for who they are, not what gender they are. That's all.” Simon said with a half smile and a shrug of his shoulders.

“Oh. Okay. That's actually really simple. I didn't expect it to be so...” She trailed off nervously, adverting her eyes.

“So easy to understand?” Simon asked and watched as Clary nodded in reply. “Its okay to be confused and maybe even a little intimidated when it comes to stuff like this, stuff you don't understand but Clary, I'm still me. I'm not any different than I was before everything happened. I just come with a little extra baggage now.” He said with a smirk.

“Baggage?” She asked, confused.

“Jace.” Simon said plainly and Clary couldn't help but laugh.

“So, can I ask... how've you been? Last time I was here you had some kind of attack? I didn't see much. Alec and Jace practically shoved me out the door. I've been worried but I didn't want to bother you if you weren't feeling any better.” Clary said and Simon knew that things might always be a little strained between them, or at least for a little while, but it was obvious he wasn't going to completely lose his oldest friend.

“I've been having panic attacks. Sometimes anxiety attacks. I was, and I really want to stress the was when I tell you this because I'm not still in that mindset, okay? But yeah, I was maybe a little bit suicidal after what happened with us.” Simon admitted, grimacing when Clary's hand shot up to cover her mouth in shock.

“Simon... you didn't try anything, did you?” She asked, her eyes filling with tears when Simon bowed his head. “Oh god.” She whispered in shame. “I am so sorry.”

“No. No. It wasn't your fault, okay? It was me. I was in a really bad head space and I thought I'd ruined our friendship and then I slept with Jace and I-”

“You slept with Jace?” Clary asked in shock. “I mean, I thought maybe but I wasn't sure.”

“Yeah. Um, that first time was sort of an accident. Well not an accident, obviously, cause I didn't exactly slip and fall on his dick but-” Simon muttered, trailing off when he noticed Clary trying not to laugh. “Anyway,” He said, feeling his cheeks flush and thanking whoever was listening that it didn't show. “I went up to the roof. I just wanted to see one more sunrise. Magnus found me. He helped talk me down. Swore he would do everything in his power to help me. Even Alec, who let me tell you, has surprised me more than anyone in my life, but he's been there. He helped me through a really bad panic attack. He's kinda like the cooler older brother I always wanted, if I'm being honest.” He said with a grin. 

“And Jace?” Clary asked.

“Jace is.” Simon grinned. “Jace is still a pain in the ass. He still doesn't get all my kick ass movie quotes and he's determined to drive me insane by constantly calling the Avengers by the wrong names. I mean, Iron Guy. HawkDude. Captain Canada!” 

“He sounds just awful, Simon,” Clary laughed.

“Na. He's okay, I guess.” He admitted easily.

“And you love him?” She asked, a soft smile on her face.

“I do.” He said, smiling brightly.

“Then I am happy for you, Simon. I want you to be happy. You're my best friend and I love you. As long as you're happy, then so am I.” Clary leaned in to hug him, stopping just before reaching him, almost as if she were asking permission. Simon closed the gap, hugging her tightly.

“I thought I'd lost you.” Simon whispered sadly, already feeling tears begin to form in his eyes.

“Never, Simon. You will never lose me.” Clary said with hears in her eyes. Simon leaned in to hug her again, this time using maybe just a little of his enhanced vampire strength but when Clary didn't flinch, he didn't move.

“Well...” Alec's voice suddenly said, startling them both. “I guess things are okay then if they're hugging?” He questioned, one eyebrow raised as he looked from the crying friends to Magnus, who was still glaring slightly at Clary.

“Magnus.” Simon hissed as he broke away from Clary. “Stop it. We're okay now. We talked and we fixed things so chill with the death glare, dad.”

Clary's eyes widened at that and she turned to look at Simon, confusion written clear across her face. 

“Yeah,” Simon chuckled. “Magnus kinda adopted me. He's a little over protective.” Jace snorted.

“A little? Dude, you know he watches you when you sleep, right?” Jace asked and Magnus turned his glare on the blonde Shadowhunter.

“Of course I knew.” Simon scoffed. “I'm a light sleeper and he's not as quiet as he thinks he is.”

“Its just because I worry.” Magnus mumbled.

“Its fine, Magnus. Really.” Simon smiled.

“Thank you, darling.” Magnus said as he pressed a kiss to Simon's temple before turning to leave, all the while still glaring at Jace.

“You better watch your back,” Alec said with a smirk. “Also, we're going to be out of commission for the next 48 hours so you're both on your own.”

“Oh, yuck.” Simon scrunched his nose up in disgust. “No one needed to know that!”

“And that is my queue to leave.” Clary said, standing and moving to hug Simon one more time. “We'll talk soon. I promise.”

“Sounds good.” Simon smiled. With a simple nod to Jace, Clary made her way out of the loft.

“I'm going to assume things went okay?” Jace asked, moving to wrap his arms around Simon.

“Yeah. Things were fine. I didn't panic even though I was a little anxious. I think we're going to be okay.” He smiled up at Jace and the blonde boy couldn't help but lean down and press his lips against Simon's in a soft kiss.

“I'm glad,” Jace said, smiling against Simon's lips. “Now, since Magnus and Alec are doing things I'd rather not think about, how about we go do some things that would make Alec blush?” He asked with a devilish glint in his eye.

“Have I said lately that I really like how your mind works? No? Shame on me. Because I really like how your mind works.” Simon rambled, already backing down the hallway towards the room he shared with Jace. “Last one there bottoms?” He said, smirking and using his vampire speed to his advantage, all the while laughing while Jace ranted about how cheating didn't count as he stomped after his boyfriend.

**Author's Note:**

> Again, thank you all so much for the comments and kudos! You guys are awesome. <3


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